Slogging through the mud

From Eric Hale:
This blog has mostly been upbeat. That is appropriate, because being in a show is a glorious thing. Outside of my family and a few dear friends, almost nothing makes me feel happier or more alive than being on stage. However, there are dark moods too, and I would not be honest if I didn’t mention that.

On his blog, novelist Mark L. Van Name has talked about “the dread”. It’s a period in the middle of writing a book when the writer becomes convinced that the book is utter drek, that not one person is going to like it, that he’s never going to finish it, and that, if he does, this will be the book that kills his career.

I experience something similar in the middle of the rehearsal period of most shows. There’s a point when the excitement of the new has worn off. You’ve been through the whole score and you’re not learning the music fast enough. You’re trying to learn your blocking and the history for the period and working on your character and trying to define relationships with the other characters and trying to think up business on stage and you look at the calendar and opening night is rushing toward you, as inevitable as the fall of night.

In that moment, I have only one thought: I can’t do this.

I reached that point about 4 days ago. I’m coming out of it now, or I would not even be able to write about it. As I said, it happens to me almost every show. I remember crashing during rehearsals for L'elisir d'amore. Lisa Fredenburg was the chorus master for that show and she almost had to talk me in off the ledge.

These times are not limited to opera, although not knowing the language does make the problem worse. I remember a production of Josephene the Mouse Singer – Play by Mclure, story by Kafka, dialog in blank verse. The cast, including me, didn’t have a clue what we were doing. Oy.

The cure for me is as simple as it is unexciting: Just keep slogging through the mud. Keep learn the next measure of music, learn the next bit of blocking, and bit by bit the light comes back.

Things really kick into gear on Saturday, when we start the final week of production. We’ll be dealing with something new every night, right up to opening. It’s a wonderful, fast-paced time and I’ll get more excited by the day. By opening night, I’ll be bouncing around like a cage full of monkeys on crack.

It happens every time.

I should note that Mark is generally an upbeat guy, part of my extended family, and one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. His site is at http://www.marklvanname.com/